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Do you hold grudges or do you believe in forgive and forget?

Boy, this hits one of my hot buttons, psychologically. I’m not sure I hold grudges, but I do have trouble letting go of negative feelings. One of the thought patterns I fight is resentment. If someone upsets me and I have not or cannot address my feelings then, the problem swims around and around in my mind, thinking of what I could have said, should have said, how I ought to have responded, and what a wimp I am because I didn’t stand up for myself.

For years I’ve worked on setting boundaries. Because I’m not a fighter, it’s easy for others to take advantage of me, because they know I won’t lash out in anger. I had enough of that with my parents when I was a kid, and I think I don’t want to live that way again. I do argue now (not yelling and screaming), but defending myself more. But there are limits when things get really confrontational. I guess I don’t like hurting other people’s feelings, and I am aware that once some things are said, they can’t be taken back. That doesn’t seem to bother others in my life, but it concerns me.

I certainly am able to forgive, but I still do appreciate apologies. Unfortunately, since I do hold on to things, forgetting is harder, especially when it’s an act or words that I’ve heard before, and I feel plunged down again into impotence and powerlessness. As I said, I’m getting better, and in fact to day, I have to do some standing up for myself, and I’m not looking forward to it.

Wish me luck.