, ,

Our weekly free-write is back: take ten minutes — no pauses! — to write about anything, unfiltered and unedited. You can then publish the post as-is, or edit a bit first — your call.

Sometimes I feel like I’m my own worst enemy. About 8 years ago I started doing yoga. Initially it was to help sciatic pain, and it helped. Then I realized that I really enjoyed it, and I still do and wish I had more time to go to classes.

The neatest thing about yoga is that it’s a practice for the mind, spirit and body — all at the same time. Nothing feels better than stretching my body to extents it’s never experienced before; whenever I leave a class I feel an inch taller just from concentrating on lengthening my back and sitting or standing as straight as possible. Yoga has changed my posture, the way I stand and walk, and how I breathe. My life and my body are better because of it.

Why, then, do I sometimes try to talk myself out of going to classes, to find excuses why something else is more important than doing yoga. It’s like there’s this evil little grinch trying to spoil something that the real me truly enjoys. This happens with other things, too. My initial reaction when I plan something or accept an invitation to do something may be positive, then when the time comes, this little voice gives me suggestions about why I shouldn’t go, or that there’s something else I really ought to be doing. Most of the time I ignore the naughty negative me and do what I “should” do, and I’m glad I did.

Am I crazy, self-destructive, or does this happen to other people too? It feels like I’m trying to sabotage my enjoyment of life and I can’t help but wonder why.