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Newcomer to the Grammy event was Sam Smith, an English singer with a soul sound. He picked up several awards for his first hit song “Stay With Me.” Lines 3 and 4 of the song’s refrain are:

“This ain’t love, it’s clear to see
But darling, stay with me”

It’s kind of a sad song, on a too frequent theme. People need people, they want relationships, they want to love and have someone love them. Sometimes it’s not real love, only a one night stand, as in this song. Unfortunately even if they make people feel good for a short time, one night stands don’t fulfill the true need to be loved.

Love is ideally unconditional. It allows each partner to grow and develop, as well as creating a deeper relationship. It won’t be without disagreements or the occasional sacrifice. It will not, though, be characterized by domination of one personality over the other, one person always being right, or one partner being judged or demeaned for his or her choices or opinions. The need for “love” should not cause shortsightedness. Most people, I think, do ultimately want a life-long partner, a husband or wife, someone who’s the ultimate confidante, comforter and lover. A relationship is always developing and growing, but it needs a strong central core of mutual respect to last and flourish.

People often stay in toxic partnerships because it’s preferable to being alone, they think. Somebody suffers in these situations in the long run. Bad relationships develop resentment, loss of self-worth, tension and anxiety.

The number of dating sites attest to the desire of single people to meet others and hopefully develop a lasting relationship. My daughter’s experience on these hasn’t been that successful, even though some of the guys she’s met have been nice people, who are also looking for that special someone.

It would be nice if there were a magic formula, a love potion, available to singles who want real and lasting relationships. Meeting Mr. or Mrs. Right can lead to a lot of wrong turns.

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