We all get jealous from time to time — what wakes the green-eyed monster for you?
I have definitely felt envy, or perhaps more accurately, not feeling like I’m not good enough. My life has changed a lot in the last 20 years, though, and I’m more of an inside out person. What I feel inside and the confidence I’ve built have made feeling envy unnecessary.
I used to feel that external things would make me happier, better in the eyes of other people, or more content. But as much as I filled up my life with more things, I realized that what needed filling up was me. I am much more self-assured now than I was 20 years ago, and am able to deal with situations that might have given me cause for envy much differently than I once did.
I have learned that no matter what a situation looks like from the outside, everyone has their problems, faults, worries, pains, sadnesses. Other people’s lives may appear to be perfect, or better than mine. I know people with better paid jobs, bigger houses, better cars, nicer clothes, but icing doesn’t make the cake perfect.
I know now that perception is just that — not necessarily reality. I know what’s real in my life and what is important to me, and that is sufficient. I have what I want and need in a spouse, children, grandchildren, a comfortable if not perfect home. My problems are small in comparison to others, and I am more than grateful for the ways in which God has blessed me. My life has by no means been without its bumps and potholes, but I have survived to be a strong and more fulfilled person than I would have been if nothing bad had ever happened. It’s when a person has problems and overcome than that he or she grows and develops, and many people besides me have had their share of problems and high and lows. I like survivors; they have a whole different and deeper dimension.