Good description for my mind! Trying to control the chaos on my mind is a daily task. With my anxiety disorder and adult ADD, sorting out my spaghetti-like brain is a constant effort. You know how frustrating it can be trying to unknot a chain necklace — that’s how it feels.
This is not to say I’m unhappy, or that I sit in a catatonic state unable to make any decisions. We all have our faults, and areas that need work, but if one wants to lead a normal life, you just learn to cope. I see people all the time whom I know have crosses to bear, and they’re leading a “normal” lives. You can’t stop living because there are problems to be overcome. Once a problem is named or diagnosed, the next step is to take responsibility for it, and figure out how to work with or around it.
For me that means a lot of self-talk and urging myself on in what I know is the right direction. A lot of my thoughts are self-sabotage — anybody else do that? I try to talk myself out of things I know I “should” do — not because someone else is forcing me — but because it’s best for me. Sometimes I’m quite decisive, but other times I really have to work on sorting out the muddle in my head.
Having been diagnosed with ADD in adulthood, it makes me appreciate what kids who genuinely have this condition go through, and how hard it can be to focus, make a simple decision, or stay on task. It’s easier to deal with these things as an adult, especially in my case, because I learned coping mechanisms even before it was suggested that I had ADD. I can “force” myself to do with I ought or need to do next. I can make lists to organize my time. I can sort out what is more important and what is irrelevant, and I can usually identify when I’m avoiding, justifying, or procrastinating.
Life is hard, but doing the next right thing helps to simplify choices.